Monday, February 23, 2009

Well he is gone...

And I am sad (of course who else saw that coming)! I miss him horribly and I know things will get easier as I fall in to routine but right now I am avoiding bed because I don't wanna go with out him (eventually I will have to but right this minute isn't the time LOL). He arrived at his destination and I was able to talk to him on the phone and via web cam, which is more than most get and I am blessed but it was heartbreaking! He is not holding very well! He is very sad and upset because of leaving us! I don't think he expected it to hit him this badly and I understand that but it hurts to know that he is second guessing the decision that "we" made! His motives for this are right! This is a move that will potentially help to forward his career and better himself! He is doing right by his country and most of all his family! In my eyes and more importantly his girls eyes he is and always will be a hero! He is doing this to help protect our country from those who want to dictate what we do and what we stand for as Americans!!! I have told him this and I think he is doing better I just wish I could send him some sort of motivational thing to make him see that what he is doing is ok!! **SIGH**
To see him hurt makes me hurt even more!

This deployment is greatly unknown territory for us! For those that know he is on a Submarine (typically, technically we are on what the Navy calls shore duty right now) A deployment on a sub is no easy feat I am sure! Imagine being on a boat under the water with the same 150people for 6mnths with minimal contact with the real world! I got a really funny email a while back I will have to see if I can find it and share LOL! We were lucky to have email and I know some wives who are seasoned enough to know what a submarine deployment was like with out email! (And a lot of the times the lesser seasoned of us can tell you what it is like also!) I know a deployment is a deployment know matter what branch of the military you are in, but as much as they are the same they are all so different (even one to another). I guess what I am trying to say is that I just don't know what to expect anymore this is ground we have never covered! At least with a regular (submarine) deployment I know what to expect! Unknown territory for me (and I am pretty much sure anyone else out there) is extremely scary and I don't care for the unexpected!

He and I as a couple a this point are fine and holding steady (no unexpected real fights have emerged before he left). Individually we are holding, not great but not horrible, as best as xan be expected at less than 24hours really! The one I was most worried about wsa Cami! And She is a TROOPER let me tell you as I walked through the airport shoulders shaking people staring sobbing my little momma was trying to tell me it would be ok from the front of the stretch limo (aka double stroller) as we walked past complete strangers she would tell them it is ok my mommy is just sad right now! I felt so proud and even more depressed at the same time! It is, in my opinion, my job to keep her strong! Not the other way around how did my precious baby girl become so incredable right before my eyes and me never even see it coming! **SIGH**

OK so my eyes are starting to fail me and as much as I am not ready to go to bed alone I am headed there!! Another **SIGH** and I will sign off for the evening (morning actually!) Stay tuned for a post later on about my Super awesome Valentines Swap package and how my baby girl's 3rd birthday goes!


AndreaLeigh said...

I'm so sorry, girlie! Allow yourself to feel upset. You have a right to however you are feeling! I can't imagine what you are going through, but you are in my thoughts nonetheless.

Miss Hope said...

Hang in there! You tell that hubby of yours we're proud of him and we'll keep you company in BlogLand! Take care!

Anonymous said...

You hang right in there, Keri, and know that you've got friends who not only care but who can seriously relate. Every story is different, of course, but if we stick together, we make it through. I was glad to see you back to your blogging. That alone is a great way to release some of your frustration, anger, tears, joys -- all those emotions we subbie wives have been through. Tell Ernie "thanks from us" and thanks to you too for still sticking it out! Glad I was able to brighten your day a bit with the bloggy award. I've updated regarding the left eye, so check in whenever you're able. Lots of love and hugs. :)